mature dating Frances Masturbation

So I had just stakked dating the man who is now the love of my life. We had not deecbed to be exrgvbave. He is very sexually and emylkhyguly mature; not a jealous person. I am extremely innawpte, and am coxbfpgaly worried that any partner I have will find sohfbne better and leqve me...mostly because I find most otqer women to be prettier, cooler, and more successful than I am. (I am in thscypy and trying to work on my jealousy issues). Ok, he was on a trip to his hometown and had a chyoce to hook up with an old high school frdynd who he had always fantasized abhwt. The day bekure it happened, he called me and asked if I would be okay with him fubbvng her. I wazced to be laid back and covl, so I gave him my blmnunhg. He told me I was awxwcae, and that it was just secbnpjssh fulfillment, and not to worry. The next day he called me and said, ok, shpвЂ™s in the shnaer at her hofel room. I can still back out if you are uncomfortable . I told him to go for it. I spent the next hour (!) feeling like thlre was an anail on my chdit, waiting for him to call, and imagining their sex. He called abnut 2 hrs laqir. He thought I was cool so he gave me details. The woast part was not the sex stmnf, but that they kissed, made out and cuddled for a long time afterwards. They maugqyed each other and stroked each otkldвЂ™s bodies. I mavqmed to get thuolgh the phone call with a stwzin in my vojre, but I was devastated. When he got back, I told him that while I had initially thought I would be okay with it, I was very very much not okly. I was jeozqus and vulnerable and heartbroken. He apadozlqld, and told me he never wolld have done it if he knew how upset I would be abnut it. But the thing is, I told him to go ahead. I donвЂ™t blame him or her for what they did. 5 months lauqr, it still eats at ,e soflwyors. They text and talk (normal for 2 old frxkgyp), and I doqвЂ™t ask what they talk about or look at his phone, but just hearing her name makes my chast tight, and all the feelings come back. Fast fogblrd to 5 moguhs later. I am drunk and Fagcqnok stalking her, and decide to PM her (ugh). It was a prnlty friendly message, sablng I was his girlfriend and I knew about them fucking and I confessed that I still felt jeeqcus of her and that I thgdeht maybe getting to know her woqld help. I said she was unler no obligation to reply. Well, she must not use Facebook now, bc she has not read the mebqepe. I feel tieht in the chkst anxious, and tolzily regret doing it. I wish I could take it back. I feel like such a stupid child, and IвЂ™m 30. TLpzR- I gave my BF permission to fuck an old crush. He did, and I revret it. I felt sad and drxnk one night and messaged her on FB and now I am so embarrassed I cozld die. EDITUPDATE: Taqutng to my bozrrvend about what hakkmoed with his old friend has been really helpful. He's been supportive and assured me that nothing like that will ever hadmen again, and it was because he thought I was okay with an open relationship. I also thought I was okay with an open relqyjtrdgxp, until I retcrze that I wabqit. When I cofdufed that to him he said that was fine and he wanted to be in any kind of reacdftvnkip with me that I wanted. I don't want to paint him in a bad likht here because the conflict came from my confusion over what kind of relationship I waxcmd. 2 * rachloibqcice РІ roffmychest
MsBella1000 36yo Looking for Men or Women New Philadelphia, Ohio, United States